For me not to admit to a privileged childhood would be a
lie. The family home was a large house, on a lane in Keston, Kent (the 'Garden
of England).
The grounds, with a stream and ponds, backed onto an
experimental farm belonging to Tate & Lyle, the sugar refiners and
manufacturers of delicious Golden Syrup in a green and gold tin featuring a
lion with bees circling it's head. So, although the house was set in one and a
half acres of land, there were hundreds more acres to play in, as far as we
children were concerned.
At the age of seven, in 1952, I was sent to Shortlands
House school. The setting for this stage of my education was a late Georgian
double bow-fronted house. There was a huge cedar tree in front of it with a
spread of at least sixty feet.
The English teacher, Ernest Moss, inspired us with his
translation of the Iliad for children. Pure inspiration! His art and music
lessons were also to have a great influence on all of us in later years.
The school's headmaster Mr. Knee (very Scottish) was
respected and, when he spoke, you listened! If you didn't listen and broke his
rules, the penalty was between two and six strokes of his heavy leather strap,
split down the middle and inflicted on the hands.
These punishments were always administered after discussing
your academic results, whether good, bad or indifferent and merry chit chat,
such as laughing over how well the school play had been received by the
parents or trying to guess what Stanley Matthews, the footballer, would do
next.
The thrashing was administered without emotion - a
necessary evil. All the children at that school knew the parameters of
acceptable behaviour and accepted the consequences of any misbehaviour.
Setting out to do some mischief or other, one thought like Clint Eastwood: "Do
I feel lucky?"
The only school bully was the Latin master, a Pole
who had 'suffered in the war'. It seemed his misery was taken out on me, so I
let his tyres down after school one day...
After school was adventure time for two hours - the most we
could reasonably manage without causing parental hysteria by arriving home
after dark. On one occasion, these two hours were spent in the grounds of a
local convent school and, in particular, on their lake. Four barrels and
planks were tied together. We cut tall stems of bamboo from the gardens and
turned them into a serviceable mast and yardarm to which we attached some
sheets I had appropriated from my mother's storeroom.
The six of us had successfully recreated the galleon that
we had constructed out of matchboxes and brown card during the history lesson.
This was the real thing! We set sail to find the terrible Spanish...
Unfortunately, we forgot to build in a rudder and, instead of sailing along
under the discreet cover of the willow trees, the breeze blew us into
full view of the startled nuns. We were all wearing school uniform. The
convent's complaints were directed to the rabid Scot, Mr. Knee. Thus the
disciplining was taken away from our parents and delivered via Mr. Strap.
Taking the attitude that derring-do and adventure would
result in less pain if we carried out our exploits closer to home, we embarked
upon the enterprise of making a fort out of the summer house in my parents'
garden. On a Saturday, we began. To start with, it was necessary to have a
look-out post. A lot of hard work with a saw, a stepladder and a few other
tools yielded a three-foot square gap which was accessible via the stepladder
and afforded a view of the 'sea'. Unfortunately, the 'sea' was broken up into
three ponds and we decided that it would be improved if only we were to dam
the stream.
By Sunday, we had a fort and an ocean (getting bigger by
the hour)! Oh, what fun! The boating, the swimming and... Had the
reincarnation of Bomber Harris arrived and re-created the Dam Busters? Our dam
had burst! Imagine six children and sundry ships (tarpaulin-covered
tea-chests) hurtling towards what was a technical feat of eight-year-old
engineering. Our dam.
Mrs. Lear's garden decided to follow us downstream, towards
the illustrious, landscaped and delicate Japanese garden of Dr. Bryce, the
local G.P. with it's huge Golden Orfe, Carp and carefully collected
Terrapins... We were incredulous that water could wreak such destruction! Even
the trellis bridge seemed magnetically attracted to us. This was adventure!
Even today, it is too painful to relate to you the
consequences of running a fort and a navy...
During history lessons, we had learned that there were
cave-dwellers in prehistoric times. We also learned that dinosaurs stalked the
earth. The time scale was so enormous that, in our confusion, we ignored the
fact that Triceratops and Tyrannosaurus Rex were pre-humanoid.
Pterodactyls never saw a Neanderthal. Sabre-toothed tigers didn't actually
crunch on human bones but to us, they most certainly did! Tate
& Lyle's farm was surrounded by woodland and included a beautiful garden
around an old country house. The clay chalk, we discovered, was perfect for
digging caves in. One Saturday, six cavemen clambered over the fence and out
of the 20th century into primordial ferns and sundry strange vegetation - it
was Rhododendron, actually. With practised observation, we were secure in the
knowledge that, due to not seeing any hairy mammoth footprints or skeletal
remains from reptilian conflict, we were temporarily safe to start our
excavations. Each night, as we left Tate & Lyle's territory,
we hid our endeavours under bark, bracken and leaves, so as not to have it
discovered by the dreaded Neanderthals who roamed slope-shouldered around the
farmyard. It took the whole summer holiday to finish the three
inter-connecting caves. Now we hammered a drainpipe through the roof of the
first cave, to create a chimney for cooking and eating our Brontosaurus steaks
(the fillets from father's fridge...). Was this heaven?!
Through streaming eyes and sniffling noses, we agreed that the chimney was
probably authentic but all good things must come to an end and they did, with
a vengeance. The trail we left from the 'Gate into the Unknown' was picked up
by the 'Neanderthals' and the multinational company sent a registered letter
to my father. You can probably guess the rest, as Brian Ferry might say...
The whole point of my telling you these stories is that the children therein
had an outlet for their boundless energy. Any tree tall enough was the mast of
a whaler or tall ship and it was our mast for the climbing. A pond was to be
fished, sticklebacks to be netted, de-spined and pickled - food stores laid
down for when the Russians attacked, along with boxes filled with ginger
marmalade, condensed milk, Cadbury's chocolate and peanut butter. Life was
an adventure. Today, children do not, or are not allowed to, have these
freedoms. They live in politically-correct straightjackets. |